Photo credit: Carol Muller
Sexy Galexy shared his story at the sell-out premiere of My Drag Story at Mardi Gras 2021. Hear from a brand spanking, glittering, new lineup at the Pride Weekender edition of My Drag Story on June 19. Details HERE.
My visibility was my voice. This is my emotional story.
I’ve had many great moments in my drag career, one amazing moment was in 2005 at the Sydney DIVA Awards. They had included an award for Drag Kings and at the time, I worked hard to make sure Drag Kings were visible enough to be included. I was excited to be there with fellow drag kings and breathed in the glamour of it all. Dancing my heart out, I have something to prove and show this community. We are women and look what we achieved. We are camp, we are entertaining, we are glamorous, we can do drag and we can do it well!
I was feeling empowered on stage at the Awards, but I was also thinking, have I done enough? My pride comes with angst, this is all fleeting, and after this I will be on my own again? My anxiety is cruel and unforgiving.
The supporters who screamed out my name, gave my heart moments of love… they love me, they don’t love me, they love me, they don’t love me… I’m constantly plucking imaginary flower petals.
All this in my head, while leaping across the stage saving the day.
The feeling is always…
Do I belong?
I have come from a childhood of not belonging. An adopted child, constantly told by my Mum that she wishes she didn’t adopt me. Anything I said was met with bitterness and aggression. So, talking became something I feared.
On the outside it looked like I had it all going on, that I had a great life. I wish the illusion was real.
My life was very lonely. I was working myself to the bone and I didn’t know how to ask for help. When I did ask, it was met quite casually because nobody know what I was going through.
…cut to a phone call:
A Drag Queen: “Someone said, you thought I hated you.”
Me: “Um, no!”
Queen: “Well I don’t but let me tell you something… you are a novelty, and the queens will use you once and that’s it”
I don’t remember what I said back.
The rejection cut deep -nobody wants me, it doesn’t matter where I go in life, even the community that is supposed to be about unity and acceptance, doesn’t want me.
What was I doing wrong? I have the heels, hair, makeup, costumes, the camp and I was good at it.
Was it because I was a girl? But I didn’t feel like a girl! I felt like a drag man. I grew up thinking I was supposed to be a boy.
Fast forward in time… I wanted to be part of a Festival; the organisers had another drag king so I wasn’t sure if they would let me in. I was surprised to be accepted.
With the joy, came all the issues. I stood there with the other drag king feeling anger, resentment, deep sorrow… it had brought up feelings I thought I had worked on.
I am standing in the light yet living in the shadows. Does anyone understand the enormous pain being felt?